Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Perpekto


I’ve spent the last 2 weeks contemplating on a lot of things. It was a proper time to assess myself from a standpoint where everything is not on my plane and most of the factors affecting my life were meticulously scrutinized. On the plus side it is easier for me now to adjudicate and evaluate myself but on the negate side I never imagined that going back to a point of my past was this hard and unsettling. I have learned to become more “mature” and adult-like, something everyone expects from an individual in this stage of my life, yet the past haunts me…ive lost the touch to be more carefree and less responsible - things ive done in the past and still do occasionally. The awakening I had the year before sparked this new concept in life of mine but still I yearn for things that I had before. Kahit pala sobrang pag isipan mo nang mabuti yung mga bagay bagay na alam mong makaka apekto sa desisyon mo, mayroon pa ring mga “factors” na kahit kailan ay hindi mo aakalaing dadating at mas malaki pa ang magiging parte sa mga magiging desisyon mo. I have tried to anticipate every possible imaginable and unimaginable scenarios that would come up and considered all the consequences and risks of my CHOICE. Ika nga ng values ed prof ko ngayon, “ the nature of rationalization is the most essential part in building a value et al character, the choices an individual makes are strewn from his ability to make a sound choice, considering its other alternatives and determining the consequences of these choices.” Oo nga naman, ano pa silbi ng freewill ko kung hindi ko ito gagamitin ng mabuti at wasto.
Right now I’m in a stage where I can see clearly everything in the shortest time possible, di na gaya ng dati kung saan eh sobrang AANGATS-ANGATS talaga ako at mabagal. It pays dearly to be painfully slow and pathetic, to think too much and not do a damn thing about something. Kumbaga eh nag utak MASCI ako ulit, doing things in a blistering phase, with the confidence of promptness and without the fear of failure - basically just DOING IT (salamat pala kay prof bikoy sa allegory na to - it really is true about how us MASCIANS treat all things in our lives now). The sad thing about this is that people seem to misinterpret you a lot, to judge you more on your actions rather than your character (this is the truest essence of MALING AKALA). And the saddest part of knowing yourself is that you can never ask the people around you to be just cool and relax. That you are never too much critical and never commandeering, a little bossy yes but still you have to do the things you hate just to make yourself a little more serious. Ang hirap talaga mag TANGA TANGAHAN at kunwaring walang pakialam, because the stigma sticks with you if youre not careful with whom you show these traits of yours. Di nila alam na nakamasid lang ako at nakikiramdam, na mahirap maging WALANG PAKIALAM kunwari para lang hindi makasakit at hindi lumabas na makulit - ang problema nga lang mas naiisip pa ng tao na makulit ka talaga pag ganito ginawa mo. Siguro nga isa akong klase ng tao na madaldal at walang preno ang bibig sa lahat ng bagay pero sa puntong kelangan kong wag muna magsalita at maging sensitibo ng konti, ginagawa ko kahit pa pag isipan na ako ng kung ano ano ng mga taong nasa paligid ko.
Putang ina ang hirap talaga maging DO-ER. You appear most of the time to be either predisposed or dysfunctional, for the reasons that you appear to be not using your head first when in fact you have premeditated all things possible. People tend to see you as IMPOSING and over-assertive, never the “big brother” you try to be, well, I try to project. I have never tried to be naturally patronizing of people, to say to them what they want to hear and make them feel what they want to feel. It was a big contradiction to my principle to take up MARKETING as my base career pero who more can know about these things than a person who sees both sides of the strata.

Thursday, August 03, 2006

the plagiarist in me

a shot at explaining why most of my friends are single

actually i posted this sometime ago i just don't get it how or why it was not posted.i have been contemplating why most of my friends are single. looking at them, they are eye candies, mature (i think), driven, motivated and all other qualities that most of us are looking for a partner but they are sticking to their status. i have been synching with some of them through electronic means and here are some of the best reasons inferring from our conversations....

1. most of them are at the stage of building a life-long career. everyone is just hell too busy, that is why the electronic conversation most of the time. in fact, most of them are asserting themselves in their businesses or companies they are working at and all are on their way to the top (God bless them on this). And therefore, the time for dates, etc. are instead focused onto overtimes, even on weekends.

2. life right now is a lot harder than 5 years ago, when most of them were still students. and now that they are on their toes trying to tie their own shoes, a life full of complications is hard enough to handle, more so with an excess baggage that you can take some other time. quoting a friend: "pucha ang hirap na ng buhay ngayon papahirapan mo pa dahil nagdagdag ka pa ng isang responsibilidad"

3. most of them are jaded little bitches and bastards who do not want to care anymore for the past took most of what they were holding onto. from third parties, to pregnancies, to trial-and-errors, most of them are shouting pain and grievances. (wish ko lang wag masyadong jaded, di ba?) so some are still healing while others are still hurt.

4. so since most of them are jaded, they are just waiting for the right person to come along, without even lifting a finger. in other words, nagmamahaba ng buhok. but in my personal opinion, they have all the right to do so.i feel sad kasi i was able to come up with a better one than this but lo and behold, for reasons only the internet knows, that entry was not posted in my blog.

--- share ko lang to sa blog ko...this is written by a co-blogger and a friend...RAF FELICIANO...galing hehehe...salamat pala sa permission to post this

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

what it really means

disclaimer...this is fictional...well maybe not hehehe...this isnt personally for me...hehehe

damn it its raining again...why cant it be stopped? why cant one control it? does it want to be controlled? the past weeks ive been thinking about these things...sarcastic and ridiculous as it may sound, thinking about the mechanics of the phenomenon made me wonder if it is somehow connected to how one feels...earlier i was requesting a friend of mine to give me a topic to blog about, i set the idea as somewhat CHEERFUL (since i am feeling AFFIRMATIVE as of the moment and still do) but since MALAKAS KA SA KIN PARE, ill be doing this instead eventhough i dont feel writing it...ONE YEARNS WHAT ONE CANNOT HAVE...plainly from its description and simple logical analysis (ayan nagagamit ko na LOGIC ko hahaha) the line just written is etymologically known as OBSESSION...in this rational world "wanting someone na hindi mo alam kung makukuha mo" falls in the same category as that...locally it may be called PAGIGING MARTIR but considering the parameters of it (risking oneself to attain something that has no assurance whatsoever - if one gets it or not with the latter the higher probability) it cannot be even considered as a risk let alone a HEROIC BLITZ...love is a risk yes, and so is winning a fight or even a bet on your favorite team...people tend to be more inconsequential and less calculating when LOVE or MONEY or PRIDE is concerted...when this happens that is the time when LOSING or being at a LOST begins...the risk becomes a drive - not anymore the motivation that its supposed to be...kelangang MAKABAWI...kelangang HINDI MAHALATANG TALUNAN...kelangang ITAGUYOD ANG PRIDE...kelangang WALANG MASABI ANG IBANG TAO...no more personal contentment, just pitiful pride without direction...the FIGHT becomes a losing battle even before it starts...but considering all things there are outlets for one to win...if only one knew how to foresee them...sabi nga ni Sun Tzu...know when to retreat and learn from your enemy...RE-COMPOSE oneself to easily put it, it may be BUSHIDO shameful and worth a HARA KIRI but doing this is much better and less lethal...striking back after strategizing is the greates INVENTION man has made in the scales of personal attainment...

wanting someone na hindi mo alam kung makukuha mo is such a cliche, sorry for being blatant pare hehehehe...YOU SHOULD KNOW HOW, that is the key if ever you want someone in the first place...love has no natural course but yes it can be random and serendipidous...like an irrigation canal, if you dont know how to channel it then you wouldnt get any efficacy from it...you cant expect it to go your way without working hard for it...but if you WORKED hard for it and nothing really fruitful came out, then that is a sign...hindi kayo meant for each other...no more QUESTIONS...no more REASONS...and if one cant accept the happiness of own's supposed to be then that my friend is called OBSESSION...